You smart little quacker…how did you get this far? I wake up every morning and all I hear is your quacks. “Quack this, quack that”, “Duck did this and Duck said that.” Your face is on Time, your rich, paunchy, feathered stub wiggles on CNN every damned night, every vexatious word that comes out of your foul, beak is everywhere. I can’t get enough of you…and surely no other animal like you can. Neither of us is big on politics so I am not going to make this political. This is just a little outburst.

Bravo. Your ballsy wit to run for office gave courage to a cluster-quack of overly-proud howler monkeys to chant a tedious hymn of terrorism, incompetency, paranoiac phobias and obam-ination; you’ve sacked the stars and stripes of the GOP’s dignity, and for that, you only have to thank your overflowing sewer-of-a-mouth. You trumped over the Bush dynasty, you sent Carson to his pyramids and you left Christie behind to eat your GOP crumbs. Seventh grader Rubio throws his tantrums around like the sweat from his hands and goody-two-shoes Cruz somehow still exists in this race, seriously, there are only enough evangelicals that can back him up and still, you own most of them…so congrats, you are the only one left.

You march for the oval office with all your cards laid open on the table, gambling away our future. At this point, I believe everything you say or do. I am inclined to believe your fake quotes since they’re no less crazy than your actual ones. You label the Republican party as “too far right,” but what are you? And still, people don’t care…look at the publicity, look at the love, look at the admiration. I bet you’re proud–you should be. They eat your droppings. And I suppose that personal honesty is–and has been–your biggest gun since you re-compensate for the other one by building skyscrapers.

Sometimes I think that your rectum and your mouth are one. You awakened every die-hard American hiding under the velvet sheet of political correctness with messages of hatred and fear. You give them a reason to vote, a reason to get in “politics” and a reason to show their true colors. That’s quite a feat, I bet that you looked into your German ancestry for such aspirations. Frankly, no one–not even you–actually knows what the quack you will do if you get into that house. You have no platform, no moral basis, no plans. You are not even human–you are a name, a brand; Just as mediocre as your Chinese-made products are.

It’s clear why insecure yahoos devour your demagogic manure. It is just too tasty.

But maybe they just like your wall idea, your “kill terrorists families” idea or just your immigration “policy” which is interesting…perhaps you forget where your wives came from, or was it ok for them to come because they were sexy Aryan models? But your horde, your blissful horde, all they know is that you are the Man, you are the tough soldier on the battlefield, dodging bullets and planting flags in slow motion. You are the boss, The Trump, El Jefe, the western Allah, the Chuck Norris of politics, our voice of reason.

That’s what they see in you. But it’s not what you are: Just an asinine brat who made a fortune from lawsuits, nothing but a lavish scammer; you are the reincarnation of the hateful demagogy we have been trying to destroy since 1945, a wannabe playboy, some pretentious kindergarten bully too incapacitated by his own power that refused to grow up! Ahemm…

Sorry, I went on a hateful rant there. I’m sure you can relate.

But I guess the point is that you are just another trend, a hollow fashion to be soon forgotten. Another toy, shiny and loud, to be neglected. And I don’t want to lose my composure here, but I just need to say one last thing: the people’s indifference for you will mute your obnoxious voice and no matter how many “beautiful pieces of ass” you got, yours will wrinkle up and end up looking just like your face.

That.