Dear Cold-Hearted Cynics,

It has come to my attention that Valentine’s Day has failed within the few past years, and by failed, I mean has never got the respect and dedication it needs. Sure, a commercial rant about buying candy hearts and Hallmark cards every once in a while, but come on, nothing more?

Does anyone even notice that we don’t get a day off for this holiday? I mean, honestly, it’s the day of love, peace and a flying baby (ahem, that would be me), and how do you celebrate this amazing day? You sit inside a classroom and study.

Don’t think because I’m a baby, I wouldn’t notice! And don’t you dare defend yourself because your excuses and reasons are like my diaper, full of doo-doo. I mean, really, even that massive, energized fuzz ball (aka the Easter Bunny) gets a week to celebrate, and for what? He only makes our lives difficult by hiding all our produce. And yet every year we’re forced to honor his thefty little paws!

Then there’s that dreadful Thanksgiving, which really gets my diaper in a bundle! It’s terrible! It pretty much gives America an excuse to shove massive quantities of fat-inducing food down their “thankful” little throats. Really, is that how we thank our ancestral pilgrims and Indians, by stuffing our faces and spending “quality” time with annoying relatives?

And don’t even get me started on Christmas. Old, fat Saint Nick gets honored for two weeks. That’s right, two weeks! I mean hello, I’m a baby, I’m adorable, he’s just a creepy old man. I’m not. What in the name of love is this!?

Hopefully, you obnoxious, commercial following, nincompoops will start honoring my holiday with a little more spirit. After all, you don’t want to mess with a baby who flies around with a bow and arrow.

Yours (not truly),

Cupid the baby